FIRST!

My first blog post! *DRUM ROLLLLLLLLL*
I have no freaking idea what to write, but the word ‘first’ seems to be my only form of inspiration for this post.. so lets run with that!
Firstly (heh), I’d like to point out the ‘featured photo’ of this post. It’s my first of firsts. The first photo that I have ever publicly posted that someone else didn’t like, but I loved. How scary is that? Doing something that someone else didn’t like. I’m a pleaser. I hate when people are mad at me, and find myself often compromising my own happiness or wants or needs, to satisfy others. NOT TODAY! I love this photo for a few simple reasons. I luuuvvv my hair – freshly cut, naturally wavy. I am wearing one of my favourite turtle neck jumpers. I have no makeup on and no insanely obvious blemishes. And I was genuinely happy when this photo was taken.
The person who turned me off posting this photo publicly, said ‘you look too tired’, you should ‘choose another that doesn’t show your eye bags as much’. I’m not even offended. They’re right. Look how damn tired I look. But it was a happy tired. I was in Adelaide doing something new every single day. We were all bloody exhausted! But so damn happy.

The next first that I have now noticed whilst writing about the first first was that I was actually complimenting myself. That happens… never. First! If you asked me to find something that I liked about myself today, I’d say ‘absolutely nothing’. I’m in bed in my pyjamas that I have been lazily wearing for the past few days, I smell worse than I should, my hair is as oily as a lamb roast pan, and well, so is my skin.
HOWEVER.
In my current psychologist sessions I have been asked to study the way I think and feel. Is what I am feeling actually fact? Am I over-generalising? Am I judging myself, being too hard on myself? Um. Yes.
So let’s turn those comments to somewhat positives! I am sooo comfortable. I’m wearing $3 K-Mart pineapple pyjama pants, my bf’s grey shirt and I’d love to stay in these clothes for the rest of the week.
I definitely smell – but boy am I looking forward to having a hot shower with my delicious (expensive) shampoo and conditioner. I am excited to cleanse and moisturise my face and settle back into comfy clothes because why the heck not!

My final first is to set my first reader. Who will be my first reader?! I’m am extremely nervous about ever showing this blog to anyone but myself ~ but why? I’m scared of the judgment, I know that I have scoffed at someone in my life who started creating public YouTube videos for everyone to see ~ but why? Because they took a leap of faith? Because they pushed past the judgment and did what made them happy? Or maybe because their brain didn’t overthink it like mine currently is!
My first reader is someone I trust with my life. Someone who will be over the moon proud of me for these firsts, and who would never judge me for doing something that makes me happy.

4 thoughts on “FIRST!

  1. That is the best thing ever 🙂 I just read that with a huge smile on my face, it made me think about how I criticise myself. You’re so right, instead of looking at the negatives of a poop photo or being comfortable we should look at how happy we are doing those things!

    P.s I didn’t think you looked tiered, you do look beautiful and happy 🙂

    Thanks jaym I can’t wait for the next one 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lamayy reading this made me open my eyes in so many ways. It’s crazy how we can see ourselves in a negative light at times and pick at things we don’t like about ourselves but 9 times out of 10, nobody else would ever pick up themselves . That’s something I struggle with daily!
    I think our imperfections are perfect, it’s what makes us unique. Certain things you worry about that I, (as your sister) think are amazing, never forget that !
    It’s so refreshing to read through this, I actually found myself tearing up for some reason because I think this is so amazing, what you’re doing! When I was finished reading I just wanted to read more! So proud of you my sister.
    I think you’re absolutely beautiful, inside and out.

    Love youuuuu

    Liked by 1 person

    • OH PORGE MY DARLING SISTER. This is such a beautiful comment. Maybe you should start blogging too my love 😉 Thank you for your unwavering support I love you sooo much. I’m glad you loved it so much! Xxx

      Like

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